I thought hard about this.
Very hard.
The only "thing/s" I can truly say I am completely comfortable with: are animals. I have always been. Maybe it is the lack of judgment? The acceptance I feel?

This is quite a revelation to me. I wanted to mention some people, myself or my art... I just couldn't honestly say that I don't feel myself having to correct my behaviour with these. I try not to. But alas, I always do, even if it is only a little bit.
The problem, I find, is with myself. I am the one sitting in judgment of me.

This is so scarily awakening. So much more thinking to do.

Yes. I am in constant flux. Evolving is the way I see it. Always trying to better myself. I think the most important thing I have changed is the way I see myself. I have become less critical and more forgiving of myself. I have actively worked on being myself.

Have you noticed how some people will try to break you down when you change, even if it is for the better? And, more importantly how others will support you in this?

My English Pointer, Pinga, has what is refered to as: "Happy Tail"
This means that she wags her tail SO enthusiastically and hard that she keeps breaking the skin on the tip. This doesn't heal because she repeatedly wound herself on the same spot on her tail.

On Friday (3 days ago) I noticed that it was looking really bad. The end was a little black (usually pink) and I assumed that it was a scab. So I read up what to do to bind it properly to protect the tail from more damage and to give it some time to heal properly. I found some advise on the internet that recommended using pipe insulation to protect, air and cushion the wound.
So I proceeded to disinfect the wound and put the pipe insulation around her tail and bandage over it, as suggested.
Last night (Sunday night) her tail was obviously hurting badly. I stuck my finger down the open end of the insulation pipe to make and gently touched the end of her tail. No reaction. I touched her above the pipe insulation and she cringed in pain. I knew something was very wrong. So my husband and I immediately removed the bandage and insulation. about 5 cm of the end of her tail had gone completely black. I panicked. But cleaned it again. My husband phoned the animal hospital's emergency line (it was midnight already) The vet suggested we give her some asprin for the pain and take her in first thing in the morning.

Unfortunately Pinga has developed gangrene in her tail and is in for an emergency tail docking, as we speak.

Obviously I have the usual tension that goes with leaving your 'baby' in the hands of someone else. I feel sad, worried and stressed. But I know this is the only way.I also feel guilty for not noticing it sooner.

I can't wait for her to come home. The waiting is very difficult.
I have found out that many hunting dogs like German Pointers and Weimeraners have their tails docked from birth. Not full docking, but still... And that the main reason is preventing this situation from happening. It is much more traumatic for the dog to have it's tail docked as an adult. English pointers do not have their tails docked, usually, as they have naturally shorter tails.

I have always been against tail docking. I have always felt that it limits a dogs communication skills. That it is cruel. Although this situation Pinga is in is different, because it is medically necessary, and she will keep most of her tail... I was wondering what your opinions were an the matter?

The hardest thing is not always knowing where "I" start and where "I" end. I always find it a challenge to seperate "me" out. Who is this "me"?

But I am starting to get closer to the answer  day by day. And in a strange way I hope I never truly know the final answer ;)

To pick the best *one* thing... hmmmm.

My path.
I truly feel that I am experiencing a wonderful life. Every person, every moment, every space has built up to be quite an exciting and fulfilling life so far. Even the negative has helped to make my life the way it is. It has helped make me who I am. I experience every moment with great intensity. The good and the bad. And my experiences and need to live and love is what excites me. The result: I wouldn't exchange my life for anybody else's, ever.

That moment just before I get up. That moment when my bedding is just the right temperature, just the right texture... I can see the light through the window... The birds, the trees, the grass' smell.